lately this has been extremely hard. i think sometimes maybe i want a relationship too bad, and thats why its not happening. i just miss being loved and loving someone back. i miss someone texting me cute things and to have someone to cuddle with when its monsooning outside.

as a hobby i read the missed connections page on craigslist, wondering how some people can leave such impressions on others in such short amounts of time. i wish i had that kind of power.


anyways, so there have been two more guys from online. After my pt boy, I went on two dates with an irish man. We met up for drinks on night, and then went out later again that week, but after date number two never heard back from him.

fast forward to guy number three. ill call him the marine, even though hes currently not active its just a good description. We met up for dinner in my hometown, and had a great meal. Contrary to what I believe him, I allowed myself to kiss him on this first date, and it was absolutely amazing.

We then made plans to hang out three days later, which we did. It was just kind of weird, because that night he introduced me to all his friends, which I was not expecting at all. Also he was so open about us meeting online, almost the opposite of how I handle the online dating scene.

We have not hung out since, I went on vacation for a weekend, and he had to work this past weekend, but we have been texting and talking online everyday.

I just don't know. I really have started to like him a lot, but then again I am way too afraid to get any more involved because well I don't have the greatest track record of dating.

sometimes i just want to throw in the towel. thats so negative but i dont want to put myself out there anymore

I just really dont know what to do. I never thought online dating would be this hard, introducing myself over and over "playing the game" and just waiting around.

Maybe it just isnt for me.