Filling the void

So for the past year, I've been single. Before that I ended up dating one of my lovely guy friend for close to six or seven months, on and off. We had met while I was dating our mutual friend, and though he caught my attention five years ago, nothing ever really happened. We had kissed a few times due to drunk summer nights, but for the most part would only see each other during parties at the shore. We had gone to college ~six hours away, and just never really had thought of things between us. He had told me numerous times that he was interested in me, and finally after six months recovering from B, I thought it was time to move on. MF had been one to comment on facebook posts, so instead of just rolling my eyes at his latest common, I texted him. We became quite the text message buddies for lack of better term, and within days felt with if I hadn't texted him within five minutes. We had lengthy conversations ranging from best pizza (food being a mutual love of ours) to why there are sick and starving kids in Haiti. At this time, we were still about 2 hours from each other, both living at home with our parents, and had yet to get together well physically. We both had friends in Phlly, and quickly mde plans to meet up, which of course led to long-awaited yet fantastic bedroom time, after going out. I felt 17 again, and it was terribly frustrating. Since MF's parents were terribly strict lutherans, and I lived in a menagerie of cats, dogs, and siblings, alone time was rare. It wasn't even the point of doing the actual deed, but even close cuddle time was far and few between. It was difficult, yet I knew hat as summer approached, it would get incredibly better for he was getting a shore house with friends, 20 minutes from where I lived. I noticed though quickly, how childish MF was. Night after night, he would get incredibly drunk, losing all control of himself. Though nights between the two of us were sober, whenever around friends he could not control himself. For gods sake, the child was on his 10th or so license replacement. Thankfully he was a nice, friendly drunk, but at the same time, I felt more like his mother then anything else.Though an incredible business man by day, by night I wanted to have a child leash on him. He would get lost at bars, walk home and go missing, and just be a handful. He was no better then a 3 year old toddler. I thought things would change (idiotically) but to this day, the guy has not changed and probably will not for a long time. It was hard to break free from that. MF was amazing besides that, but after repeated attempts to stay sober or to grow up, nothing changed. I should have realized that he also had committment issues, for he never had a girlfriend before me. Not one serious girlfriend at 25. Though he was friends or friendly with everyone in sight it seemed, he could never settle down. It should have stuck out like a clear warning sign above WARNING NOT RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL!BUYER. BEWARE, but finding the good in everyone, I stuck it out. Things ended, for the best, and still friendly. The last year being single though... That's another story, and an update of online daing once again.

lately this has been extremely hard. i think sometimes maybe i want a relationship too bad, and thats why its not happening. i just miss being loved and loving someone back. i miss someone texting me cute things and to have someone to cuddle with when its monsooning outside.

as a hobby i read the missed connections page on craigslist, wondering how some people can leave such impressions on others in such short amounts of time. i wish i had that kind of power.


anyways, so there have been two more guys from online. After my pt boy, I went on two dates with an irish man. We met up for drinks on night, and then went out later again that week, but after date number two never heard back from him.

fast forward to guy number three. ill call him the marine, even though hes currently not active its just a good description. We met up for dinner in my hometown, and had a great meal. Contrary to what I believe him, I allowed myself to kiss him on this first date, and it was absolutely amazing.

We then made plans to hang out three days later, which we did. It was just kind of weird, because that night he introduced me to all his friends, which I was not expecting at all. Also he was so open about us meeting online, almost the opposite of how I handle the online dating scene.

We have not hung out since, I went on vacation for a weekend, and he had to work this past weekend, but we have been texting and talking online everyday.

I just don't know. I really have started to like him a lot, but then again I am way too afraid to get any more involved because well I don't have the greatest track record of dating.

sometimes i just want to throw in the towel. thats so negative but i dont want to put myself out there anymore

I just really dont know what to do. I never thought online dating would be this hard, introducing myself over and over "playing the game" and just waiting around.

Maybe it just isnt for me.

Dr

So recap of the past few weeks, which involved two different guys, yet both complete failures.


First guy I meet in person, I will call him the Dr. because well he was a doctor. Anyways after messaging back and forth for a few days, we move to a phone call on a Sunday night... it went fabulous! We had so much in common, and it was so easy to talk to him, so we decide to get together on wednesday for dinner and drinks. I was extremely nervous and ending up 10 minutes late due to horrible public transportation here, but he was completely understanding. He looked exactly like his picture, a huge plus haha. We ended up going through a bottle of wine and sat till the restaurant closed. We just had so much in common, and just such a honestly great time. We text back and forth and set a second date for that weekend. Second date, we ended up going to the aquarium and an awesome cuban resturant, and once again had a great time, spending the entire day together.

I started to really like him, even just after two dates..not saying that I was in love with him, but he definitely had my attention, and I felt such a great connection. We seemed to be on the same page, and I was happy that he didn't push and prod and didnt force himself onto me. We kissed good night, and it was great. We arrange for a third date that following Wednesday, just something relaxed to the movies. We saw Avatar, which was slightly painful for me to sit through but he really wanted to see it and I wanted to spend time with him. We had our first makeout session, nothing too too crazy and go our separate ways for the rest of the week since we both were extremely busy.

Dr. Had plans in advanced with his family for the fallowing weekend which was totally cool with me, and we texted a bit back and forth. The next Monday though, out of the blue he ends things through text message. You are 28 years old yet can't man up and call me? He simply stated there was no chemistry, though he loved spending time with me. We had only kissed briefly, considering the locations of our dates, and I don't know. I think I was more pissed off that he didn't even get to know me, to actually try to have chemistry. I was definitely upset and really disappointed.


I stopped checking the website for a few days, extremely weary of getting involved with another ass. But after a week's vacation I went back on, and decided to try my luck once again

I don't see myself as extremely picky as a person, but why don't people understand that religion is non-negotiable?

Maybe its just this generation of things, where religion is often left to the way side until wedding arrangements are made.

I just find it important in a relationship to have in common, as for many morals and values are upheld and taught through religion.

first experiences

The first few of my days were spent getting through the tedious website, figuring out the internal emailing system and finishing an extremely long application... I think it was longer then my college applications, hell I wouldn't be surprised if it surpassed government level questioning.


Got a few emails here and there, but realized I had to narrow down what a wanted my potential "match" to have, things that are extremely important to me, i.e. a job, and my religion and so on and so forth.

The emails are hard to keep up with since you have to log onto the website to respond..no blackberry app for that yet haha. I spend most of my time logged onto public computers during my day, and just feel it would be inappropriate to answer them during class.

two weeks in

So, I am a bit late with starting this blog. It was kind of an after thought to the whole dating process, and it will serve as a nice reminder if nothing else. Getting on to the most basic questions though

1. You are so young and still in college, why online dating?

I have been in a few long term relationships in my short life, and through life experiences as well know what I am looking for. With that being said, after four years of college I still unsuccessful in my search. I am tired of meeting guys at bars or through friends. I need something more, something different.

2. But still aren't you too young to know what you want?

Not to sound cliche but I have been through a lot in life. Traumatic Brain Injury at 15, parents getting divorced, father marrying a girl my own age, becoming an online student and moving to Manhattan for a year on my own... and the list goes on. Why wait until I am thirty to settle on something on someone less then what I am looking for. The earlier I start the more possibilities.

3. Are you writing on behalf of a dating website/ getting paid/ making this up?

As I said before I choose online dating, then decided to start a free blog about my experiences. I am going to be chronicling my experiences, interactions, correspondences to the best of my ability, while keeping my potential suitors' identities anonymous.

4. What dating site are you going through?

Due to many privacy policies and conditions I will keep that information to myself as well. It is an extremely commonly used site.

If there are any other questions, please feel free to respond and I will get back to you as soon as possible.